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Seven Things I Like About Charlene Vesuvius, But Could Love Even More

3. The baristas at the Muddy Cup can be incredibly surly. Last week, a friend of mine, visiting from Tampa, went in one morning and nearly had her hot latte flung at her by the snarling young woman who'd deigned to make it. My wife Claire had a comparable experience the first time we ventured into the place, this past May. On neither occasion was the barista harried; there was no one else in the place! So far as I am able to ascertain, such shenanigans don't offend Charlene any more than they offend the place's proprietor.
4. The food at Brothers Trattoria, which everyone raved about before we moved here, is actually pretty woeful. But they give you an awful lot of it. Again, the full extent of Charlene's complicity, or lack thereof, has yet to be determined.
5. The River Terrace's neon sign on Wolcott Avenue is a thing of monstrous hideousness, 70s-style vulgarity a-go-go. Once again, Charlene has raised no known objection. Nor, unless I'm woefully mistaken, has she had anything to say about the restaurant's sinister intention to begin offering Egyptian cuisine this winter.
6. Speaking of xenophobia, there are actual McCain Palin signs on lawns in Beacon. Charlene has, to this point, failed to explicate how any sentient being could actually endorse such an idea. But of course, so too have many, many others.
7. The Hudson Valley Acerbic Society, whose founder I am, continues to consist only of its founder. I'm not saying Charlene is personally responsible for this woeful state of affairs, but it wouldn't kill her to join, do you think?
8. Local actors persist in not auditioning for The Fillet Show (www.johnmendelsohn.com/hvfs.html), my riotously hilarious scripted sketch comedy revue. Charlene, like so many others, has indicated no interest whatever in the project.
9. The Mayor of Beacon has not yet responded to the email I sent him several weeks ago about my wiliingness to beautify Beacon's official Website strictly for, you know, civic pride. I'm not saying Charlene is personally responsible for this woeful state of affairs, but I haven't heard anyone say she ain't.

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Comment by Chuck Pompeii on October 31, 2008 at 5:14pm
As for this turning Key Foods into Whole Foods, and microbrews supplanting Bud, turn, say I, and supplant! I am for anything, in fact, that will make the value of our newly purchased house soar, soar, soar (or at least exceed what we paid for it). This is so much to ask? I am what the extremely honorable McCain would describe as one of the Me First, Country Second crowd. Speaking of McCain, at the moment the loathsome little excrescence concedes on Tuesday night (and his infinitely more loathsome running mate begins making plans for 2012), we will be dancing in the street, so please plan an alternate route.

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